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Even When My Heart Fails

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is my portion forever. Psalms 73:26

Tonight, this verse hits home in a very personal way as I sit here heart monitor strapped to my chest for the second time in less than three years, waiting for tests results that I have no idea how may impact my future. Just praying I get some answers to what seems to be a never-ending list of health concerns which have only seemed to multiple in recent months. What was supposed to be a happy and vivacious start to the new year 2022, seems to be spiraling downward quickly into the sink hole of an all too familiar feeling of hopelessness and fatigue.

Three months ago, I battled a virus sent to kill me. Since then, I have found myself short of breath more than I like to admit. It was with this same virus I watched my husband get gravely ill and go into the hospital, not knowing if he would come back out alive. The weeks that followed have been full of virus after virus wrecking my little boy’s bodies. Yes, sickness, I have had my fill. Failing health, weary spirit, I feel both of these in full.

Emotionally spent. Drained. Forced to surrender to this season of poor health, these all are fitting descriptions of how I am feeling. But this verse, these words I know that have come to me straight from the heart of my Father, they breathe life back into my tired bones and aching body. For I know that my hope will not be in my circumstances changing, nor in my body getting stronger but in the promise that God is my strength here and forever, no matter what I face as I walk this side of eternity. He will be my perfect portion for the day I find myself in. He is enough. He is my inheritance that no one can take away, not even a body that constantly fails me.

As I recount God's faithfulness, I am forced to look back on past victories and I begin to realize that God was my strength even when I didn't see Him. He was there holding my tiny hand in my childhood when I felt so alone, afraid and unseen. He was there drying my tears in high school when I dipped my foot in the pleasures of passing sins and reaped the painful consequences. He was there in the room during my excruciating labors even when I didn’t think to invite Him in, not even in one prayer. Time after time He has been my ability to keep moving when I was at a crawl. He has picked me up and sustained my footing through every step of the journey. And it has been Jesus who breathed life and hope over me when I was sure I could not keep going on. And He always will be faithful to be who He promises to be, all of my days. In my marriage, motherhood, friendships and through the highs and lows that come in all of these.

I read the verse again slowly and gain just a little more faith. Because I know, that even when I don’t have the answers to so many unknowns, and though this body may fail (and yes it will surely fail) HE is my strength, He is enough for me. And because of this beautiful truth I can lift my hands and praise for He has always been good to me, and I am confident that He always will be!

Hold tight to His truths my friend, whatever you face, He is there with you too, even when you don't see it.

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