I sit here trying to write, but all the topics I'd normally touch on seem so trivial in light of current events. What I used to stress over pales in comparison to the heavy weight that now seems to cover our entire country. I look back with envy on the days when my biggest issues were trying to get the kids to sleep or debating over organic food or chicken nuggets. If I should cut their hair today or let it grow.
I am now faced with issues bigger than I know how to process in my own adult mind. How do I explain to my boys’ race and prejudice when they don’t even see color? How do I teach them to love, serve and respect without simultaneously opening their eyes to all the hate around them? How do I teach them to trust God and not fear germs, but then ask them to not touch any one? And try to explain for the 100th time why the parks aren’t open and mommy has to wear a mask when she goes out. How do I teach them to not let fear and confusion become the driving force in their life when I'm still learning that too?
I feel stuck in this time warp of normal and totally insane life. My peaceful bubble completely popped, I've come face to face with the frailty and depravity of man and I really don’t like it. If this is the extent of life, if this is what I have to prepare my kids to face, feeling so ill equipped myself, I'm not interested. I'll take my fast pass to eternity now. Thank you very much.
I marvel at how quickly I am to run away from the hard and scary. To continue to hide away, tucked safely in my tiny corner of the world. But if I've discovered anything these past few months, it's just how little control I have over any parts of my life, whether I'm hiding from the facts or not. I can turn off the news, shut out the noise and pretend it doesn’t exist. I can wear the mask, wash my hands, Clorox the life out of my house, but these physical things will not be what protects me or my kids from the realities of life. I can prep, plan and prepare for the worst, but when the worst comes, none of the things I hold on to for security will be what saves me. I will only be robbed of the joy I could find in today, hiding from the ugly, or focusing on the preparation for a tomorrow that is not promised.
As I prepared my heart to travel this week, amidst so much unrest and contention in our country, Satan went to battle for my peace once again. Sickness. Headline after headline. Fear. Anger. Hate. Text. Followed by phone call. I should have seen it coming, the devil's tactics as old as they come. He fires the information so quickly that I hardly have time to process lie from truth. I desperately grasped for some assurance in those physical securities I had built around me. But it continually fell short, bringing me no lasting comfort or peace.
The whole time I could feel the Holy Spirit's calm voice calling me to my knees in prayer. Calling me to turn down the volume, to shut out the noise until I could hear from him and be refreshed in truth so that I could process all the hard that was being thrown my way. When my heart and mind were overwhelmed beyond my point of fixing, I turned to the rock that is higher than I. And all I found was a quiet peace. A lasting security in God that cannot be taken away by the newest social post or headline. A calm that enables the clarity I need to share his love with the people around me, including my kids.
The facts I can no longer deny is, fear and things out of my control are always going to be there. I can bury my head deep in the sand but it won't take it away. I may not have all the answers now, but what I do know today is enough for this moment. And the truth I need today, for me and my kids, is that Jesus is still with me. That he has all authority over my life. That Satan must flee in his name. That no weapon formed against me can stand. I walk free. And his protection is truly all I need.
I will never find the eternal comfort I am looking for in the temporary things of this world. It will always be Jesus that holds me steady when I slip. Who protects me from danger Who heals me when I’m sick? Who has planned a hope and a future for my children long before I ever could? And he is the one who will provide the wisdom I need to navigate each new season. God is the one who watches over us when we sleep. Who gifts us with blessing and miracles over and over far beyond what we could ever hope for or imagine? In what should be dark and desperate times, he is our light and provision.
In the turbulence of life, God is the only thing that can keep us from nose diving into the chaos around us. His truths we hear when we lean into him, are the only thing that can anchor our hearts when the world tries to rob us of our peace. It's always been him. And it always will be. Yahweh, God with us. He is with us!!
Fear not, for I am with you!
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