top of page

Only Jesus


What do you do when the worst happens? When your life lays around you in ashes. Everything you knew broken. Devastated. When time stands still and yet moves faster than your beating heart. When every moment is so difficult that even to make one foot move in front of the other feels like you are moving through molasses. How in the world do you cope? How do you survive?


If there is one thing I have learned in my short life, it's just how ruthless the world is. It doesn't stop for the broken hearted. It doesn't allow for a pause for you to figure things out. I have been there. Feeling like I was scrambling for some way to try and put the pieces back together, to make life feel even remotely okay.


But this was a futile mission. The shards of glass, that once were my life, were too fine to reassemble. Some things would just never be the same. I said all the right things. Did everything they tell you in the books. But at the end of the day my heart was still aching; aching worse than I ever thought it could.

The impact one moment could have on your whole life, shook me to my very core. Every moment was so painful it took every molecule in me to force a breath. Much less focus on my daily tasks and carry on with life as normal. And it was far from normal.


Circumstances of life had swept in. Like a category 5 hurricane, it had ripped out every window and stollen away anything resembling the safety of my home. I felt like my life would cease to exist. I was sure I would be crushed under the weight of it all. There was no hope. No light signaling the end of the tunnel.


And I asked myself, when you have come to the utter end of yourself what is the formula for picking up the pieces and rebuilding? What is the 10 step plan to making everything okay again? How do you allow for hope when there is none? Where do you go and who do you turn to? I still don't have the answer for any of that. On the other side, I still don't have a 10-step plan. I don't have any quick fixes. Looking back on the rubble rebuilt into new, I simply stand in awe. Time did not heal these wounds, only Jesus. Through it all, all I see is Jesus.


His grace was enough. He was all I needed. Because he will never leave me. He never has forsaken me. In the darkest seasons of my life I have come the closest to Jesus. His Spirit engulfed me so thick and protected my heart and mind when I was at the point of being done, checking out.


Jesus. He's the only way I'm still standing. He's been the peace when there was none. He's been the hope and the faith when I had none left. What he gave me I could feel. Hope, tangible in my hands, when there was nothing and no one else to hold onto.


He was the light when all the lights have gone out. It was Jesus who stood by my side holding my hand when everyone else left. It was Jesus propelling me forward when I could not take another step. It was Jesus who healed my heart. It was Jesus who broke the chains. It was Jesus who freed me. And at the end of all my days, it's still going to be Jesus who carries me and gets all the glory and fame.


And maybe that's what we're supposed to learn. That at the complete end of ourselves, when there is nothing left, nothing we can do, nothing. It's Jesus we find. I have never been more convinced of my lack. I know that I am not enough! But He is! And coming to that place of complete humbling, it's been the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced.


When my hands have been completely tied by life and I am forced to my knees to give it all to him and say, "okay I trust you". When I am forced to rely completely on his control. Surrender it all, letting him do what only he can do. Because I know I can't do anything in those moments to make life better. Nothing this world could do would make it better. No amount of talking, or crying, or praying, no amount of penance. Nothing can make it better. It's only Jesus. So I sat back and watched God step in and heal and restore the impossible. Watched my miracle unfold. Because I knew it would take a miracle.


And as I slowly let all that I had held on to so tightly, slip from my grasp, I saw God smile. He is joyful because he knows the end. He sees what I can't and he knew just how good it would all end up. He whispers, "I got this." "I got you." And he does. He's the one that puts breath in my lungs so how could I think anything is too hard for him? How could I ever have been so foolish to think I can make it a day without him? That I'm anything without him.


That bringing to your knees kind of humbling, I wouldn't trade it for Anything. Because it's brought me to my best me. A completely free and surrendered me. It's brought me to my Jesus. It's brought me to a love that can't be touched by any human. A love that's completely undeserved. A love in its rarest form that can not be experienced through any other person here on earth. That love, that's what's gotten me here to the other side. That's what's brought me joy and hope again when there was none. It was only Jesus.


As I free fell into this love, for the first time ever I saw myself running completely free into Jesus' open arms. Jumping into them he holds me so tightly. So peaceful. So full of joy. Tears of relief run down my face. Because of the breaking and remaking of my life, I have been able to finally fully grasp the truth that I am so loved by my Savior. All the barriers are gone. Burned down by the painful places and people of life. Because of the difficult I have been refined. I have been made new in Christ. Free to be who he made me. A fresh anointing has come. A new identity. I am a daughter of the King! This is the light I have been searching for. It's Jesus. He is the light.


Can't you see it now? That light, rising up on the horizon of your dark and hopeless days? He is there too. Waiting. Watching. Held back by Holy restraint until you finally let go of the striving. Realize your need of the great physician. Provider. Cornerstone. Comforter. Friend. Father. King. Yes he is all these things.


When the world rips your heart out again. When the hard hits you from behind. When the sickness comes. When the money is gone. When they all have left you to pay the price. It's Jesus. He has always been there. Every moment of your life. If you look, you will find him. If you call, he will answer. If you ask, he will show you great and mighty things. He will be the hope. He will be your Jesus. Take his hand. Let him lead you. He knows the way. He is worth trusting.


I can't give you a 10 step plan. I can't promise you a quick fix for your pain. But I can assure you this, the miracle you long for, it's Jesus. Only Jesus.

21 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page