I don’t know if it’s the 70-degree weather all week talking, or maybe the extra vitamin D, but I couldn't help but find myself with a bit of a pep in my step as I navigated my schedule the last few days. The unexplained happiness I felt was in stark contrast to the past few months of cold and harsh winter woes. On one warm afternoon as I soaked up those amber rays, the breeze tickling my toes, I breathed in deep and almost without thought whispered, "we made it".
It started out as just a mussing thought. But the more I tossed it in my mind the more the depth of the sentiment began to take root, we ACTUALLY made it! We actually survived the winter sent to kill us. Spring DID finally come. The sun DID shine again. For each of these I had my doubt. For each I longed with a deep ache in my soul for months on end as sickness and fear drenched our home and wouldn't seem to loosen its grip.
At the realization I had finally arrived on the other side of what had felt for so long like a hopeless climb, I wanted to immediately find someone, stranger or friend, and shake them mad while declaring with a little too much enthusiasm, WE SURVIVED!! I wanted to walk them through each high and low, prove my point as to what may seem like insanity was actually reality for weeks on end. Insist on showing them where I had been at my lowest and the goodness of God despite it all. Ask them to sit down for a moment so I could tell them what I had learned through the storm. And yet all the while knowing God had one more lesson for me.
As I sit on the other side, I find myself praising God with ease. But what about during the tempest? Did I sing? Did I dance at the latest fever or the bill from the insurance company? No, I surely did not. I tried, but my heart was faint. My faith wavered.
Today as I build my ebenezer, I throw myself at the mercy of my Savior and cry tears of joy at His grace for me all my days, even when I doubt and tremble. He never left me. He never failed. He healed and He provided. He was faithful when I was faithless and once again, I see that it was because of Him alone that I find myself standing on yet another mountain of victory. So, in response to His tender call to surrender, to trust Him better, I oblige with pleas of help to praise a little louder next time. Because I know, on this side of eternity, there will be a next time. And I want to sing not because of the struggle, but despite it, because He is worthy, even if my circumstances are not. All the while believing that trials do not determine Gods love for me. Job was a good and righteous man and yet it had no bearing on the fact he felt the evil of this world. I must realize that the ugly I face here on this side of Heaven has no correlation to my Gods care for me. In fact, in the midst of the mess, is actually where I can feel Him best.
I am humbled that He would bring us this far. Undeserving doesn't even cover it. But He was faithful to carry me through even when I kicked and screamed. And I just pray that if I have learned one thing, it would be that the joy and song in my heart today, would be the same as loud and strong even when the clouds cover this brilliant light currently warming my soul. Because I know the light of my Savior in me can never be put out, so then even in my darkest hour the Son will always shine. And if I allow, through me.
Friend, I don’t know if you are sitting on this glorious hill side with me, doing your own touch down dance with glee. Or maybe you are still in the shadow of the valley, questioning if you will ever feel hope again. As one still feeling the chill of the winter that lasted far too long, can I take your hand for a minute and remind you, you WILL survive too. You will see the other side. You truly are never alone, even on your loneliest days, God is there. I don’t know what lesson He has for you to learn or what truth He wants you to add to your resume to gift to the next weary traveler. But as you journey, let your song of praise echo off the sides of those daunting mountains. Let the roar of the glory of the God who fills your lungs with breath shake the knees of the enemies sent to take you down. And as you walk each step in faith closer to the mountain heights, may you find your God closer than you ever realized, even, and until, the sun warms your face once more.
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