Within a week of being back on social media I was ready to log off and never come back. I was discouraged and defeated. There were so many other women around me starting amazing businesses, some getting their blogs off the ground with thousands of followers. Others publishing books with just the words needed in this season of unknown and change. It was obvious, there was no room for me here. It had already all been done. All the truths I long to share have already been written. And so much more eloquently then I ever could have put them.
I found myself buying back into those same lies I have battled my whole life: You aren't good enough and you never will be. Your dreams are foolish. You will fail, because you always fail. You will always just be mediocre. I found myself once again stuck in the game of comparison. And it was robbing all my joy. All those thoughts were coming from the same place I had found myself years before. Only this time I wasn't comparing myself to the mom next to me, who seemed to have her life together, which meant I was obviously failing in comparison. No, this time it was with the women who seemed to be more successful, running with their dreams and leaving me in the dust. Finding all the fulfilment and purpose in their season of success. Something I have longed to feel.
It's then that God brought me to these words by Lysa Terkeurst, "There is an abundant need in this world for your exact brand of beautiful." I've read these words in the past, but so clearly needed them again. Lysa goes on to express that someone else's success doesn't threaten mine because there are the right time, season and people who need exactly the gifts and dreams God has given each of us.
As I sifted my defeat through the truth of her words, I knew that she was right. Even if it seems like all the books and blogs have already been written, the truth is, the people they reached likely won’t be the same one's God calls me to speak to. I was reminded I often think and see within such a small space. But this world is huge! There is enough room, and success, for all of us.
The reality is, God has a specific and special plan for her and for you, and neither impair the plan he has for me. He doesn't see her book release and break down in tears, realizing he totally messed up the timing of my success when he made me and gave me a gift and desire to write and encourage others. No, he smiles. He is delighted with her and who he put her in her path to reach, and he is equally delighted in me and the plans he has for me. I can rest completely in his promises and enjoy the process when I trust that there is enough room for us both. A time and a season for us both. Just like Lysa Terkeurst words, God knew exactly when I would need to read them and therefore I can take a deep breath, shake off that lie of not being enough, and rest in the perspective that when someone needs my words, God will open the doors to get it to them. Over and over God has already proven this true in my life.
Satan wants to keep me trapped in comparison, self-critique and failure, with anything and anyone. Because if he can keep my focus there, I am unable to hear or see what God wants me to do. But when I shift my thoughts to truth, rejecting the lies, I am able to find all the freedom, joy and blessing God has been waiting to pour on me. I'm released from that heavy pressure to get all the followers now, to get it all right, to feel that one failure means I should quit. I am able to enjoy and praise her success for the kingdom, not feel threatened by it. And I am able to fully and whole heartedly pursue my own, I know it’s not up to me, it’s up to God and there is such relief when I give it all back to him and trust his plan for my life. I know he won't mess it up.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for a hope and not a future. Jeremiah 29:11
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