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She Did Whatttt!?

"You are taking rejection that simply isn't there."

The words landed in my spirit and rested there a moment as my conscious brain processed them like a clerk at the bank, before officially accepting it and depositing it into the recesses of my mind. When I had prayed for God to show me the root of my anger that had been spewing uncontrolled all week, I wasn't sure how long I would have to wait for an answer. But as he has proved true time and time again, God (through the Holy Spirit as our promised truth guide) quickly revealed the culprit that had sparked the now raging fire in my heart, rejection.

Armed with this word, I began to back track through my emotional jerk reactions of the previous week that had led me to this pivotal point. What had seemed foggy circumstances now began to clear. The way she ignored me. The way they didn't include me. How I had been so easily forgotten and overlooked by another. Even the situations with my children. Their disrespect and selective hearing, all raised an immediate response of anger as a defense to the hurt I was feeling inside.

Blatant rejection from a loved one or peer can be incredibly painful! But as I took a minute to step away from the brick wall of pain and fury I was building, and peer with fresh eyes on each individual circumstance, I began to see them differently. I asked myself, in each situation was I actually deliberately rejected? Or was this an assumption on my part based on a lie I had believed for far too long? A lie that Satan loves to feed so many of us to keep us from being the bold and fearless women of God we were intended to be. A lie that says we will never belong, we won't ever really fit in and no one could truly love us as we are. Or a lie that boasts the rejections of the past will continue to be the rejections we face in the future. The reasons others left us high and dry will be the same reasons others leave us now. If we are not careful, we begin to hold our present peoples accountable to an action of someone who hurt us from our past.

And as I surveyed the now obvious traps Satan had set for me, I was humbled at how quickly I take offense, and in doing so, judge others based on rejections and pain from chapters of my life that have long been closed. And before I know it, I become a ball of spit fire, ready to defend myself to my dying breath. But for what? A look taken out of context? A child giving into their human nature just as I so often do? Too often the rejections that we feel have very little to do with other people and much more to do with unresolved issues in us.

When my kids don't listen it's all too easy a ploy of the devil to get me to take it personal. I start believing that if I am not respected then I have failed as a mom and only a firmer hand and louder voice will make the difference. Nowhere in this is grace. Nowhere in this is the example my Heavenly Father sets for me. Nor is there Christ seen in me when I judge the actions of another based on my perception of their behavior, when God would have me love and forgive whether their motives were pure or not.

This world we live in today, December 2020, there is more opportunity for offense, rejection and curling up in a ball of tears and victim hood than ever before. Being a mother was never meant to define us. Nor our friendships or social media following. But when we start to look to these things to affirm our success or failure in life, we begin to fall prey to the mind games of rejection. Sadly, we are the only ones playing a one-sided losing game. It’s an impossible feat to ask of anyone to hold us together on a word or Facebook like. And in my brokenness, I too often find myself jumping to conclusions as I view the world through old glasses I no longer need to see clearly. Dirty and stained by the hazards of life I view things through the lenses of the rejection and pain of my past, instead of the truth I now live in.

Just like an aged sweater we keep simply because it feels warm and safe, we too easily overlook the holes and stains we can't wash out, for the security we find in the familiar. Too often we slip back into old habits of thinking and responses because they are comfortable, easy, and make the most sense to our hearts. But as new creations God calls us to something higher. A way to process life through the new lenses he gives us. Truth. Love. Peace. Empathy. The same grace and forgiveness he has poured on us. An unconditional love that assumes well of others instead of fault, and yes, rejection.

The pains of our past can continue to leave marks on our present but only if we let them. Only if we do not take the time to address the smoke we smell and put out the fires we have allowed deception to fan in our hearts. Using the word of God and his voice of truth to find the cause of the issues we see. For me, my anger wasn't just a flux of my hormones. It was indeed an attack from the enemy that was rooted far deeper than the guise of a bad mood in need of an attitude adjustment from a box of chocolates.

If we are to be the light of the world, we cannot be so easily entangled by the everyday offenses that Satan will throw our way in an attempt to knock us off our path. We must always be on guard. Remember the enemy is looking for those he can devour. Where we see pain, fear, hurt and confusion we can be guaranteed the devil is at work. And once we put him on the map it makes it clearer where true north lies, whatever is good, true, noble, just - park your mind here! And as you seek out the truth, letting it wash over your circumstances, the truth will begin to set you free.

And as free, fully known and loved daughters of the King, we will not be crippled by rejection, real or imagined. No, anchored to who Jesus says we are, we are unshakable!!

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